


if i could trade mistakes for sheep (count me away before you sleep)

by reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Light Smut, M/M, Slightly Hopeful Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 14:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: Five Times that Alex falls asleep in Michael’s ‘bed’ and one time that Michael falls asleep in Alex’s bed
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 5
Kudos: 114





	if i could trade mistakes for sheep (count me away before you sleep)

**Author's Note:**

> Written on: 09/26/19

.1. 

Alex Manes makes Michael think dangerous thoughts.

Starting with the worst,_ I want to tell him the truth_ and ending with the one no one can ever know about,_ I would do anything to keep him safe_.

Michael stares at Alex as he moves a little, settling even more into Michael’s makeshift bed in the back of his truck.

Michael knows that he should tell Alex to go before he actually falls asleep, but he can’t find it in himself to do it.

Alex looks tired, bruises stained beneath his eyes and a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth, like he hasn’t smiled in days. 

He’d curled up on top of the pile of sheets, pulling Michael’s hoodie over his shoulders as he laid back and looked at Michael.

Alex had said that he wanted to talk, but when it came down to it, he just stared at Michael in silence, until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

Michael should’ve just told Alex that there was nothing to talk about, but Michael was quickly learning that when it comes to Alex, he always makes the choice that will get him more time with him, even if in the end it will end up hurting more.

Michael isn’t an idiot. It’s pretty obvious where this is all heading. Alex is trying to find a way to tell him goodbye. 

If there was one thing that Michael knew for sure about Alex it was that he was going to run away as fast as he can once he figures out exactly where he wants to go, and whatever it was that was going on between them wasn’t going to be the thing to make him stay. 

Watching him warm and settled between Michael’s sheets is feeding the small grain of hope that Michael refuses to admit even exists, that Alex will stay.

For someone who tells Michael that he doesn’t really trust people easily, Alex seems to trust Michael a whole lot given the way that he falls asleep in his presence.

As Michael watches, Alex makes a low, distressed sound, and he freezes, staring to see if he needs to wake him up, but Alex just turns his face to the side, and buries his nose in Michael’s hoodie, and he inhales deeply, and then relaxed completely, almost boneless as he breathes in even deeper and then breathes out, content.

Michael continues to watch for more signs of distress, but Alex just gets even more comfortable.

Michael feels something sweet and warm fill him up, and he squashes it down ruthlessly, pulling himself to his feet and jumping down from the truck bed.

Alex moves a little, motherfucking _peaceful _sleep disturbed by Michael’s movements, but he doesn’t wake up at all.

Michael exhales shakily and opens the driver’s side door, hoping in and leaning over to get at the glovebox.

He pulls out the bottle of acetone he’d stashed in there earlier.

What he needs right now is to numb himself to everything so when Alex inevitably tells him goodbye, he won’t be able to actually feel it.

.2.

Michael stumbles out of his truck, and holds on to the door, making it creak loudly as he pushes it past it’s limit. He swallows down the nausea threatening to overwhelm him and manages to find his feet.

He pushes himself away from the door and manages to close the door and stumble towards the door to the Airstream without falling down.

He opens the door with a flick of his wrist. It opens a little bit too hard, shaking the entire Airstream with it.

Michael climbs in, closing the door behind himself and sighing as he’s finally out of the harsh sunlight.

He pulls his shirt over his head, making his way towards the bathroom when a snore gets his attention.

He freezes and scrambles to think who could possibly be there, and still when he turns towards his bed, he can only stare in shock.

Alex is lying down in his bed, nestled between his sheets, even the one that Isobel keeps hidden in the closet for emergencies, along with Michael’s favorite dark brown hoodie, which he can only tell Alex is wearing because he has the hood up over his head.

The only actual visible part of him is his nose and mouth.

He looks so comfortable and warm, that Michael aches with the urge to dive into the pile of sheets and wrap himself in Alex’s warmth. 

But he knows that he not only probably smells like he hasn’t taken a shower in a couple of days, but a lot also like a distillery and cheap women’s perfume.

Michael swallows hard and turns around continuing his path to the shower.

He knows that the sound of the shower is probably going to wake Alex up, but it’s a chance that he’s willing to take.

He turns on the water and the cold blast hits him right in the face sobering him up quickly.

He scrubs quickly with the pine scented body wash, and even takes the time to wash and condition his hair really quickly.

By the time he’s rinsing the conditioner off, he can _feel _Alex’s gaze like a physical touch.

Michael grabs his towel and rubs it against his hair before he wraps it around his hips and then pulls open the plastic shower curtain.

Alex is leaning back against the small counter in the small space where Michael keeps the rest of his toiletries.

His gaze drags down Michael’s chest as he worries his thumbnail. He looks sleep rumpled and warm with messy hair and pink cheeks, and Michael doesn’t see any reason why there should be any amount of space between them.

He steps forward, and Alex reaches for him, fitting his fingers on either side of Michael’s hips and pulling him in close as Michael lifts his hands and cups Alex’s face, fingers sliding along his jaw as he brings their mouths together.

Alex’s mouth is hot and he licks into Michael’s mouth and he tastes like cinnamon gum and cigarettes.

Michael slides his hands down and wraps his fingers in the fabric of Alex’s hoodie, tugging him in close as he leans heavily against him.

Alex kisses him deep and fast, digging his hands into Michael’s back.

Michael tugs the thick hoodie down Alex’s shoulders, and makes a low noise when he feels more thick fabric covering Alex’s chest.

Alex pushes him back a little, a smile stretching across his face, and he pulls the black hoodie over his head, making his hair stand up on end as he drops it beside him on the counter.

Michael slides his hands up Alex’s shoulders while Alex wraps his hands around Michael’s waist.

Michael moves in to kiss him, but Alex pulls away slightly, eyes falling to Michaels mouth as he licked his lips and swallowed hard.

He looks back up to Michael’s eyes and gives a half smile.

“Hey,” he says, like he’d been gone for a few hours and not the longest three years of Michael’s entire life. 

Michael digs his fingers against the back of Alex’s neck and pulls him in, pressing their foreheads together. “Hey,” he says back, before he slides their mouths together.

Alex surges into the kiss, dragging his fingers into Michael’s hair and biting against his mouth.

Michael makes a muffled noise against his mouth as Alex slides his hands down Michael’s back and wraps his fingers in the towel wrapped around his hips.

Alex pulls back, parting their mouths, and Michael blinks his eyes open, and finds Alex staring at him.

Alex tugs against the towel, and raises an eyebrow in question, but instead of answering, Michael slides his hands down to the soft cotton pants Alex had been wearing, dipping his fingers beneath the elastic waistband and raising an eyebrow back.

Alex bites down on his bottom lip before he looks at Michael through half lidded eyes and leans back in to kiss him, sliding their mouths together as he tugs harder against the towel and it falls from Michael’s hips to the floor.

Michael slides his hands down into the back of Alex’s pants and groans when all he feels is silky hot skin.

Alex bites against his bottom lip hard, tugging it into his mouth as he presses his hands down on Michael’s lower back and tugs him in closer.

Michael pushes into the movement, grinding his half hard cock against Alex’s stomach. He moans and Alex licks into his mouth, kissing him hard and deep and wet as he urges Michael to move faster.

Michael tugs restlessly against Alex’s pants, whimpering low in his throat when he can’t get them down. Alex pushes him back a little, laughing and knocking Michael’s hands out of the way as he starts to tug his pants down.

Michael presses his hands to Alex’s jaw and pulls him in for a kiss, making it difficult for Alex to concentrate on actually taking his pants off.

Michael places short, fast kisses across his mouth as he moves around pulling his pants off.

Alex gets one leg out and then wraps his arms around Michael’s waist, tugging him in close as he lifts his free leg, up and around Michael’s thigh.

Michael falls into Alex, dragging his hands up into Alex’s hair as Alex presses their hips together.

It takes several times before their cocks align properly and Michael grinds into it, feeling sparks of heat simmer low in his belly and shudder up his spine and across the back of his neck.

Alex keeps kissing him sliding his hands up to the back of Michael’s neck, giving him deep wet kisses that cut off the air supply to Michael’s brain, making him feel so hot and dizzy.

Michael drags his hands down and presses them on either side of Alex’s hips on the counter, using the leverage to grind their hips together harder, the amount of precum he’s leaking easing the way, making the glide smooth and easy and so fucking good.

Michael parts their mouths on a moan, pressing his forehead down along the bridge of Alex’s nose.

Alex gasps wetly, a low groan caught in the back of his throat as he digs his fingers into the back of Michael’s neck.

Michael shuts his eyes tightly and moves their hips together slowly, dragging their cocks together.

Alex whimpers low in his throat, and slides his hands down Michael’s hand, hot and damp on his skin. He drags them down over Michael’s ass and digs his fingers into the muscle, making Michael’s hips stutter into him hard.

Alex groans and drags him in closer every time that Michael moves back.

Michael moves his face up, dragging his nose across Alex’s as he opens his eyes.

Alex is staring right back at him, eyes dark and glassy as he moans over and over and over, a sound being punched out of him every time that Michael’s hips grind into his.

Michael missed this, and not just the way that Alex gets him hotter and more worked up than anyone else by just touching him, but the closeness, being pressed up close against Alex in a way that he can’t ever get with anyone else.

Staring into Alex’s eyes, as he rocks his hips into Michael’s chasing his pleasure is the closest Michael has ever been to a human being, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t ever seem to be able to recreate it with anyone else.

It doesn’t take him long to come like that, with Alex’s hands hot and heavy on his ass, his eyes dark and on Michael’s, his lips parted and just barely touching Michael’s, trembling with every sound he makes.

Michael comes and he drops his head down to Alex’s neck, muffling the sounds he makes against the skin of Alex’s throat.

Alex comes right after him, fingers digging in harder with a low curse, his leg wrapped low around the back of Michael’s thighs.

Michael wraps his arms low around Alex’s stomach as he catches his breath, chin digging into Alex’s shoulder.

Alex slides his hands up to the back of Michael’s neck and he drags his nails down softly, making Michael shiver and press in even closer.

He feels warm and heavy and ready to pass out, but he lets Alex drag him back into the shower to clean themselves off, and he dries himself half heartedly afterwards, wrapping one arm around Alex’s neck and lying his head on his shoulder.

Alex doesn’t push him away or says anything. He just huffs in amusement and dries himself off before coaxing Michael down into his bed, and covering him with the pile of sheets.

Michael settles himself into the space, still warm from when Alex had been sleeping earlier.

Alex settles himself beside Michael several minutes later, lying down mostly on Michael’s back, face pressed to the back of Michael’s neck.

He settles himself comfortably, and Michael pulls Alex’s hand to press it against his heart.

Alex presses a kiss to the back of Michaels neck, and exhales in contentment.

Michael hums, and feels the moment when Alex falls asleep against him.

Michael drags Alex’s hand to his face and presses a kiss to Alex’s palm, before pressing the hand back down over his heart.

Alex leans even heavier against him, and Michael inhales deeply, and finds that sleep comes easier than it has in what feels like _years_.

When he wakes up, Alex is gone, but there is a black hoodie stuffed into his arms. 

Michael buries his face into the fabric and inhales deeply, filling his nose with the scent of Alex. 

Even though it hurts, at least he’ll be able to get several good nights of sleep over the next couple of days.

.3.

“Come home with me,” Michael says, hands wrapped in the collar of Alex’s shirt.

Alex stares at him for a long moment before he nods his head in two quick jerky movements.

Michael leads him towards the truck, as quick as he can, trying not to turn around and making sure that Alex is still following behind him.

He gets into the truck and breathes out in relief when the passengers side door opens and Alex pulls himself into the cab, slowly.

Michael turns to look at him at the same time that Alex does, and it takes everything for him not to lean over and drag Alex into another kiss.

Instead he turns the keys in the ignition and drives away from the reunion.

He feels jittery and drives way too fast, and every time he looks at Alex, Alex is staring right at him, worrying his thumb between his teeth.

The further away from town they get the more Alex seems to relax.

Michael stops the truck right beside the Airstream and turns it off before he turns to Alex.

Alex is staring at him, and Michael doesn’t stop himself as he reaches for him, sliding to the middle of the bench seat.

Alex is right where he wants him to be, and he’s leaning into Michael’s space, curling his fingers into Michael’s hair as Michael crushes their mouths together.

Alex bites against his lips, pushing in closer and closer until Michael is pushed back against the window.

Michael’s head falls back against the window, and Alex drags his mouth down Michael’s neck and Michael thinks about all the reasons why it would be a bad idea to suggest that they get naked right now. 

He licks his lips and tries to speak. “Ma-maybe we sh-should-”

Alex bites down against the skin of his throat, and Michael’s words stutter off with a moan.

Alex moves, pulling away from his neck, and Michael’s fingers go tight against the back of his neck, before he licks his lips and blinks his eyes open to look at Alex who is staring right back at him, making shivers run down the back of Michael’s neck.

Michael drags his hands down to Alex’s neck and squeezes a little.

“Let’s go inside,” he suggests, tugging Alex in a little.

Alex licks his lips and nods his head as he pushes in and ghosts a kiss over Michael’s mouth before he opens the passenger side door and starts to get down.

Michael blinks for a few seconds, a little lost, until Alex closes the door shut.

By the time Michael gets out of the truck, Alex is already by the door to the Airstream.

Michael backs Alex up into the door, and presses a kiss to his mouth, muffling the soft sound that Alex makes. 

Michael spent the last five years thinking that the next time that he saw Alex it would be lying still in a pine box, and he really doesn’t want to waste any time doing something other than kissing him.

Michael pulls back, and Alex leans back against the door even harder, staring at Michael through half lidded eyes, but he looks more tired than seductive.

Michael would love to take him apart and see if there is a learning curve or if he still knows how to touch him.

But he would prefer it if there wasn’t a danger of Alex passing out right after the first orgasm.

He tugs Alex in close and away from the door. Alex leans into him, wrapping his arms around Michael’s shoulders, and pressing a kiss right beneath the curve of his jaw.

Michael cheats and opens the door with a narrow eyed look, and he herds Alex back inside of the Airstream, stumbling over the steps lightly before pushing him to sit on the edge of his bed.

He licks his lips and tilts his head towards the small fridge in the corner, “You get comfortable. I’m gonna get us something to drink.”

Alex nods his head and leans down to pull off his shoes.

Michael turns towards the fridge and takes his time getting a beer.

By the time he makes it back to Alex, he’s lying back, head buried partially beneath Michael’s pillow, mostly asleep.

He managed to kick his shoes off, tug off his prosthetic, and unbutton his jeans before he passed out, which is something.

Michael sets the beer down on the counter and then finishes undoing Alex’s jeans before he tugs them down and off and tosses them over the headboard.

He freezes when he sees Alex’s stump, and he wants to touch, to make sure that Alex is truly healed, but it feels like a violation of privacy when Alex isn’t awake enough to tell him that he can.

Instead, he throws the sheet over Alex, and stares as he gets even more comfortable, leaving only a small space that Michael would fit in if he wasn’t afraid of squishing Alex.

Michael grabs his beer and leans back against the counter and takes a long swallow.

Alex falls asleep as Michael finishes his beer, and Michael just stares at him, not really interested in anything else. 

He missed this, missed watching Alex sleep like he had no care in the world when he was in Michael’s bed, completely surrounded by Michael’s scent, missed the feeling pooling low in his stomach at the fact that after two tours overseas and being in the middle of an actual warzone, Alex can still feel safe enough in Michael’s presence to fall asleep.

Michael finishes his beer and sets the empty bottle beside him on the counter. He stares at the fridge and wonders if he should drink another beer, but when his gaze falls to Alex, who looks comfortable and warm and _safe_, he knows that he’s not going to need any help to fall asleep tonight.

Michael undresses down to his underwear and crawls into the small space between Alex and the wall.

Alex moves to accommodate him, and mumbles low in his throat, before he pushes into Michael’s space and presses his face into Michael’s hair.

Michael wraps his arms around Alex and pulls him in even closer, pressing his face to Alex’s neck and inhaling deeply.

It doesn’t take him long at all to fall asleep.

.4.

Michael can see Alex’s jeep driving through the open gates on the other side of the auto lot, and he tips the bottle of acetone and whiskey he’d been sipping on most of the night into his mouth.

By the time Alex parks and gets out of his jeep, Michael has finished the rest of the bottle and is lowering it from his mouth and letting it fall to the floor by his feet.

It knocks into the empty beer bottles he’d drunk earlier, and Michael just leans back and stares as Alex makes his way over.

He seems to be wrestling with some sort of decision, but by the time he stops right in front of Michael it seems that whatever it was that made him turn up at Michael’s door has won for the evening.

“I need to sleep,” he says like it’s Michael’s fault that he can’t.

Michael just continues to stare at him, not really seeing how this is his problem.

“I’ve tried everything short of inducing a medical coma, and nothing seems to work,” he says and he starts pacing in front of Michael, agitated steps and hand movements as he walks. “And even if I do manage to get a few hours, the nightmares don’t let me get any rest, and if they don’t wake me up, then I’m trapped in them and not getting any rest at all either. And I know that I told you that we couldn’t be together, but I really need you to forget that I said that at least just for tonight.”

He turns back to Michael and gives him a pleading, desperate look. “I just want to sleep.”

Michael licks his lips and just keeps staring at Alex, but this time with more intent, watching the way that he still seems to be twitching, and how his eyes are bloodshot and swollen, and how his hair looks like he’s been tearing at it for days and days.

He looks like he needs a really good fuck and then a long nap, and Michael would offer seeing as they’re going to be forgetting all about what happened at the Drive In, but he’s not that much of a glutton for punishment.

Alex seems to read his silence as indecision because he swallows hard, and looks around the junkyard as he starts speaking again.

“Look, I know that I’m giving you mixed signals, but the truth is that I never sleep through the night or without nightmares, unless I’m sleeping in your bed, and I just really need _one _night and I won’t bother you again.”

He looks back at Michael, and this time Michael just nods his head once.

Alex seems to deflate with his relief, and he almost staggers forward, but instead he looks at Michael like he’s the best thing that he’s ever seen, and he says, “Thanks.”

Michael swallows hard and looks away, “You’re welcome.”

Alex doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t move for a long time, and Michael can feel the indecision and he can almost _hear _the question that Alex wants to ask, but after a few minutes, he moves without saying anything, walking towards the Airstream.

Michael hears the door open and then close, and he exhales roughly, rubbing his hands across his face.

He’d been planning on drinking himself into unconsciousness so that he could at least be telling Liz the truth when she asked him later if he got any sleep that night.

They were almost six weeks into their attempt at making a serum to save Isobel, and while Michael did like working with her, she worried too much about him, and how much he drank and how many hours of sleep he was getting.

Well, it looked like tonight at least he would actually be getting a few hours of sleep.

He pushes himself to his feet and drags a hand through his hair as he takes his time getting into the Airstream.

By the time he’s closing the door behind him, he can tell that Alex is already sleeping. 

He exhales slowly and walks over to his bed.

He’s not surprised to see that Alex left a small space that Michael could just fit himself into, if he wanted to.

Michael undoes his belt and kicks off his jeans, and he takes another deep breath before he crawls into bed beside Alex.

Alex moves immediately, and when Michael looks at him, he sees that his eyes are open.

Michael leans into him, pressing their foreheads together, and Alex exhale roughly, eyes falling shut.

Michael lies his hand low on his waist, and Alex slides his arm around Michael’s hip, palm warm against the skin of his lower back.

Michael counts Alex’s slow even breaths until he falls asleep.

.5.

Michael is tired. The last couple of days have put him through the wringer and all he wants is to sleep for a couple of hours. He’s so completely and totally exhausted that he doesn’t think he’ll have much trouble sleeping, but he can’t seem to close his eyes at all in Max’s guest room.

He thinks that maybe it has something to do with the fact that he’d almost died in the living room, which is the reason that he gives Isobel when she sends him a message while he’s driving to the junkyard.

He’s so tired that he barely even notices anything else as he parks right next to the Airstream. He turns the truck off and eyes the dark windows, and thinks about going to the Wild Pony and seeing if he has any luck sleeping there, but there are too many things that he has to clear with Maria before he can even think about spending the night.

The Airstream looks lonely, and for the first time in a while, Michael wonders if Alex will let him in if Michael makes the drive all the way to his cabin.

But he thinks about Isobel, and he thinks about _Max_. Their words echo in his brain, and when he looks down at his hand, he clenches his fingers into a fist and gets out of the truck, slamming the door behind him.

He opens the door to the Airstream roughly and he climbs in, not really caring about how much noise he is making.

He knows that he should be, but he’s not really surprised to find Alex asleep in his bed.

There is a leather jacket hanging from the headboard, covering the top half of Alex's prosthetic.

Alex is lying down on top of Michael’s sheets, wrapped up in Michael’s long lost brown hoodie, and looked like he’d fallen asleep waiting for Michael.

Michael remembers with a pang that makes his heart clench that he’d told Alex that they would talk today but instead he’d just gone through another traumatic day after months full of too many traumatic days, and he was just too tired to deal with any of this.

He debates whether to wake Alex up or not, but decides against it.

He grabs his desk chair and turns it so that he can put his feet up on the counter and lean the chair slightly back.

He stared at Alex and tried to imagine a world where he didn’t feel like the world was simultaneously coming to an end and being brought to life again every single time that he looked at him.

He tried to imagine letting Alex go, and feels his stomach clench, and his head go dizzy like he might be sick.

He can’t imagine living in a world where Alex wasn’t the first thing that Michael thought about every morning and the last thing he thought about at night.

But he also can’t imagine lying down next to Alex and falling asleep like they used to.

Not because he doesn’t want to, because, he really fucking wants to, aches with how much he wants it, but he can’t.

If he lets Alex in again, and Alex leaves _again _Michael doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle that on top of everything else. It has the power to break him completely, but then again, Alex has always had the power to do that.

So he leans back and stares at Alex as he sleeps, stares at how young he looks like that, how very much like the boy that Michael fell in love with he seems, it makes Michael’s heart clench in a good way, that that boy is still in there somewhere.

Michael counts Alex’s breaths, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and he feels the way the drowsiness tugs at him, how he thinks he can fall asleep like this in the most uncomfortable position possible, just because he feels safer with Alex around.

It’s that thought that drags him back to consciousness, as he drops his feet down and stands up.

Alex moves a little at the amount of noise that he makes, but he just turns his face into Michael’s pillow and inhales deeply, and continues to sleep.

Michael bites down on his lip and imagines that he’s allowed to lie down beside Alex, and sleep for the first time in the last _week_. He imagines that he’ll wake up and Alex will be right there, smiling as Michael realizes that he stayed. He imagines and he aches with the urge deep in his stomach and in his hands.

He takes the steps that lead him right to the edge of the bed, and he stares as Alex sleeps not realizing that Michael is going to do everything that he can in order to get Alex to let him go.

Michael wishes that he could lie down next to Alex one last time, because he thinks that this is going to be the last time if he takes the opportunity.

Michael closes his eyes and inhales deeply, and then he turns around and walks out of the Airstream, dropping into one of the chairs and staring up at the night sky.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep.

He wakes up in the Airstream and he doesn’t know how he got there exactly, but his lost brown hoodie is stuffed beneath his head, and he turns his face into it and inhales deeply falling back to sleep.

+.1.

Michael is dragged out of sleep harshly and he gasps, sitting up and dropping his feet to the ground trying to breathe.

He feels warm hands against his back, over the thin fabric of his shirt, and he can smell lavender and honeysuckle, and the sage that Maria keeps burning on the windowsill to ward off bad spirits.

It should all settle him, but it makes his stomach clench, and tears sting against the back of his eyelids instead.

Maria says something, but Michael barely hears her as he levers himself out of her bed and out of the door.

She calls out for him, sounding worried, but resigned, probably because this wouldn’t be the first time that Michael has left without a word. Most nights he can barely sleep, just looking out of the window until the sun rises, counting Maria’s breaths. On the nights that he manages to catch an hour or two, his dreams are riddled with nightmares that drag him into consciousness kicking and screaming.

Michael is in his truck without shoes and without a clear plan on what to do or where to go, he just knows that he can’t be here.

He drives out of the Wild Pony parking lot, and pushes the truck hard, making the engine roar.

He plans on driving to Foster Ranch and maybe seeing if sleep comes any easier beneath the stars, but he’s not entirely surprised when he finds himself pulling into the driveway of Alex’s cabin.

He stops the truck, sliding the gear to park, but he doesn’t turn it off, just leans his head against the steering wheel and exhales roughly.

He hasn’t seen Alex in a few weeks, and Alex had been acting like Michael was a stranger then, and the time before that wasn’t any better, neither was the time before that when Michael had told him that he was the worst thing to ever happen to him.

He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, but it had been much too late to take them back, added to that the fact that Michael had been avoiding Alex and hiding out at the Pony, Alex had taken the hint and then some.

Going out of his way not to even see Michael when they were dealing with Project Shepherd stuff. 

Because Alex kept finding more stuff hidden away behind codes and false names, and he kept Michael in the loop via Valenti.

Michael knows that Alex is probably not going to let him in, but if he’s asleep, Michael could steal a dirty shirt, or one of his pillows, or something, anything that would help him sleep for a few hours. It wouldn’t be as good as actually lying down next to Alex, but it was the next best thing.

He’d thought that getting Max back would’ve helped with this hopeless empty feeling that had been simmering in the pit of his stomach since the day that he’d died.

But after passing out for a few days after bringing Max back, Michael had gone back to his old habits of needing something to knock himself out or he risked spending the entire night awake.

It didn’t help that his dreams were all nightmares full of explosions, or full of light and laughter and his mother’s smiling face, before it’s all taken away from him in an instant.

He knew of one thing that would for sure get him a full night’s sleep, and that was Alex.

Alex’s scent always made Michael feel safe no matter what was happening between them that had certainly not changed

He exhales roughly and looks up.

The cabin looks dark and quiet, but there is a warm light coming from Alex’s room.

It could mean that he’s still awake.

Michael bites down on his lip and decides to risk it.

He turns the key in the ignition and silence fills the air.

Michael leaves the keys in the ignition as he gets out of the car as quietly as he can.

He finds his way towards the front door in the dark, and only has to concentrate a little bit to get the door open.

It creaks just a little when Michael opens it, and he makes a mental note to let Alex know to oil his hinges.

He closes the door, locking it behind him and walks carefully towards the bedroom.

The door is still open, but Michael can’t hear any noise as he steps closer.

He looks into the room, and finds Alex on top of his bed, asleep.

There is a tablet resting on his chest, his hand on top of it, and a pair of glasses, sliding down the edge of his nose that tell Michael that he’d fallen asleep reading.

Michael leans against the doorjamb and stares at Alex.

He doesn’t really understand how Alex can be so close that Michael can drive to his place, and yet still feel like he’s thousands of miles away.

Michael darts his gaze around the room, and spots the black hoodie that Alex wears on the really cold nights, hanging from the back of the desk chair.

He’s pretty sure that Alex will know exactly what happened to his hoodie once he realized that it was missing.

Michael walks into the room carefully and then stops when Alex makes a low hurt sound.

He turns back towards him, and sees the distress clearly written on his face.

He lets out another low whine, and twitches.

Michael bites on his bottom lip indecisive as he stands in the middle of the room.

And then Alex makes another low hurt sound, and Michael would really prefer never to hear him make that sound ever again.

He crosses the room without really thinking about it, and reaches for Alex, pressing his hands down on his shoulders.

Alex wakes up violently.

Michael moves back just in time, and Alex sits up blinking rapidly and looking around with wild eyes as though trying to assess the danger.

His gaze zeros in on Michael, and his eyes dart up and down his frame, assessing to make sure that Michael was okay, as far as he could see.

Alex exhales roughly and rubs his hands over his face.

“Sorry,” he says looking up at the ceiling. “I’ve been sleeping roughly the last couple of days.”

He says days, but when he looks at him, Michael can tell that it’s been more like weeks.

“How long?” Michael asks, even though he has a feeling that he knows the answer.

Alex just shrugs, “A couple of weeks. It’s not important. What are _you _doing _here_?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Michael asks furrowing his brow.

“Because it’s none of your business,” he says glaring at Michael. “What are you doing here?”

Michael swallows hard and stares at Alex and decides that Alex owes him.

“I just want to sleep,” he says, voice hoarse, and Alex’s eyes go wide and startled. “Can we just pretend that the last couple of months haven’t actually happened?”

Alex blinks a little and just continues to stare at him, so Michael keeps talking.

“Look, I know that I’m probably giving you mixed signals, but the truth is that I never sleep through the night or without nightmares, unless I’m sleeping with you and I just-”

“Stop,” Alex says and shakes his head. He looks up at the ceiling again and then back down to Michael. “Just ask.”

Michael swallows hard and inhales deeply. “Can I sleep here with you, tonight?”

Instead of answering, Alex lifts the sheets on the other side of the bed.

Michael feels his knees almost give out with relief and he moves towards the other side of the bed.

Michael quickly sheds his clothes, slipping his shirt over his head and tugging his jeans off.

He hears the rustle of the sheets as Alex moves, setting the tablet and his glasses on the small bedside table.

Michael slides beneath the sheets and lies down on his back, listening as Alex also slides beneath the sheets before reaching over and turning off the light.

Michael stares at the ceiling as the room is plunged into darkness, and he feels hyper aware of the fact that Alex is lying down and getting comfortable right beside him, close enough that Michael could touch him if he wanted to.

He feels Alex turning, and can feel the way that Alex stares at him, with intent and focus as though he’s willing Michael to feel it.

Michael inhales deeply, closing his eyes briefly, and then he turns and looks at Alex.

Their eyes meet and Michael jumps a little, surprised even though he’d known that Alex was watching him.

Alex looks serious and his eyes are swirling with all of the questions he wants to ask Michael but won’t.

Michael stares, keeping completely still as Alex moves his hand across the space between them, settling his hand, palm up, fingers slightly curled.

He doesn’t look away from Michael.

Michael moves almost like in slow motion, and he drops his hand right next to Alex’s, his pointer and middle finger overlapping with Alex’s pinky and ring finger.

Alex exhales like he wasn’t expecting Michael to actually touch him, and he gets more comfortable on his pillow, eyes falling shut with a slight smile curling his lips.

Michael stares at Alex and watches as he falls asleep, counting his breaths and letting himself feel the warmth and safety that he always feels being near Alex.

Michael feels the exhaustion tugging at him, and he lets his eyes fall shut. He sighs and tightens his fingers around Alex’s, and just like that, he falls asleep.


End file.
